Thursday, February 4, 2010

Are you still in for the ride?

"Once you get a handle on the infinite cycle of the restless existence of all things, do you despair or do you willingly take your place in the circle? Does enlightenment lead to sorrowful disengagement or willing participation? Once you know where the roller coaster is going, are you still in for the ride?"
                                                                                               --Robert Fulghum

Keep up the fight!  The well-intended encouragement seems almost irrelevant.  Cancer just hasn't been a fight for me, it's been a ride.  The time we fought it the hardest was when I felt the worst, while most of last year seemed like a cheat with benign treatments and little news of change in my condition.  How can I be so sick and not feel like it?

I got to ignore it for a while.

But the cells are insideous and now they're in my femur of all places.  Same story as always; I can't feel it, except maybe for psychosomatics.  We're trying something new again.  In about three weeks we'll do another PET scan to see if the activity goes down.  No matter what, we still have options.  And that means hope.  Hope to survive another season, another year.  Someday it really is going to be a fight...and it scares the hell out of me.

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